I decided that I was going to sign up for a Master's cohort program to earn my Master's degree in Reading Education. I figured it would be a great complement to my degree in Education of the Deaf/Hard of Hearing.
Admittedly, I tend to just jump into things. For instance, when I purchased my first real car....I didn't really do any research. My family had already had a Ford Escort for many years and I decided that I would buy a new one. So, I went to the dealership that had one in the color I wanted (because that IS the important part after all...) and said, "I want to buy this car." The salesman asked if I wanted to drive the car? Me, "nope. This is the one I want." I didn't try to negotiate a better price or anything else.
Another example.... I started thinking I wanted a new sewing machine.... I did let that one go for several months, but then it came back up in my mind. I went to one of the local quilt shops...there are two that I consider really local for me. Anyway, I briefly talked to the clerk and discussed (very quickly!) the qualities of the various machines and she gave me some brochures with some prices. I went home and stared at the brochures for a week, I think.... Went to the store with my mind set on one machine...called my husband on the way there and said I didn't think I was going to buy one after all, and then came home with a more expensive machine than what I originally set out to buy. It wasn't because there was any coercion on the part of the quilt shop staff.... just me, making a quick decision.
I was always happy with my decision to buy that car and so far, I have been very happy with my sewing machine. I don't think that I ever questioned either of those decisions after the fact.
Back to graduate school.... The reason I heard about the cohort program was because there was a flier up in one of my schools and I decided to go to the meeting. The meeting just basically told about the enrollment process. I filled out a couple of initial papers and then didn't really think too much more about it, except that I should be following up. Well, they ended up calling me all summer to ask if I still wanted to participate, I kept saying yes, but never really finished all of the paperwork. Class started last week.... they let you take one class as a "guest student" in case you haven't finished turning in your paperwork.
I really thought that cohort programs were supposed to be geared for people who are already working full-time. When I left the class, I was wondering how I and others would be able to fit it all in.
I don't want to spend all of my spare time during the week and on the weekends reading dry textbooks and writing reader responses, preparing projects and worrying about the fact that I can only loose 35 points out of 700 in order to maintain an 95% (A) or better in the class. I know that there is work involved, but maybe I'm just not ready for it or this is not the correct cohort program for me.
I want to have to have time to continue to make things....quilting, sewing, re-purposing, knitting, crocheting.... I want to be able to give handmade gifts to the people that I love.
I also want to have time to focus on exercise and eating healthy, and just spend time with my loving husband.
Am I just scared? Am I being selfish? I don't know. I do know that I have to make a decision very soon. There is homework due on Wednesday, which I haven't finished yet...but I have to withdraw by the end of the week in order to get a (100%) refund [even though I haven't actually paid them a cent, yet]. Am I a failure? Do I need to just find a different cohort?
Oh, and I'm not going to read back thru this post so I don't even know if it makes a bit of sense...if it doesn't, I apologize.
2 comments:
Sometimes things seem right until we jump in. Then it seems all wrong.
I would wait until the very last minute and see what your heart tells you to do.
Having time for pleasure, friends and family is important too.
Hey Sally,
A good friend once told me, “Confusion is just your mind’s way of telling you that you’re not ready to make a decision yet.” Yes, obviously, but what it means is that now is not the time to force an answer. You have to wait. I have found that a sound decision is when your head, heart, and gut all agree. If one of them is not on board, it’s best to walk away until the 3 are in alignment; if you’re on the fence then wait until you’re ready for the full commitment. I hear your head saying, “What’s your problem? This is a great idea. You should do this. This will help you in your career. What, you’re not even going to try?” But your heart says “I love the life I have right now. I’m not ready to let this fall by the wayside for the next few years.” And then there’s the gut that says, “You should feel terrible about this. I’m going to make you physically ache and feel bad about not being willing to give up a little bit for a little while. You should feel ashamed!”
Am I close? The heart knows what it wants but the other 2 are so dang loud it’s hard to hear. There’s a few options I think. 1. Continue the class to the end. You don’t have to take another one, but if you continue this one, do it well so that you can pick up where you left off if you decide to later and there won’t be any negative grades on your transcript. (I would find out how often the cohort is repeated—can you join a cohort next year? in 2 years? 3?). 2. Walk away. If you’re not in alignment then wait until you are. You have the right to enjoy your life—right now. Contentment is not a crime! At some point, a cohort will feel less about being a good idea and more about a committed choice.
By the way, the sewing machine and car don’t count. You said you didn’t regret those. I understand where you’re coming from –they were quick decisions, you jumped in, and all is well. Neither of those was a multiple-year commitment, accompanied by a hefty price tag, and without immediate benefits.
I will think of you tonight, Sally, and make a wish on a star that you find clarity & alignment to make the decision that will bring ease to your worries.
Hoping I haven't overstepped any boundaries & with love,
Duff
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