failure-ish? Selfish? I don't really know if that is the way to describe it....
I decided that I was going to sign up for a Master's cohort program to earn my Master's degree in Reading Education. I figured it would be a great complement to my degree in Education of the Deaf/Hard of Hearing.
Admittedly, I tend to just jump into things. For instance, when I purchased my first real car....I didn't really do any research. My family had already had a Ford Escort for many years and I decided that I would buy a new one. So, I went to the dealership that had one in the color I wanted (because that IS the important part after all...) and said, "I want to buy this car." The salesman asked if I wanted to drive the car? Me, "nope. This is the one I want." I didn't try to negotiate a better price or anything else.
Another example.... I started thinking I wanted a new sewing machine.... I did let that one go for several months, but then it came back up in my mind. I went to one of the local quilt shops...there are two that I consider really local for me. Anyway, I briefly talked to the clerk and discussed (very quickly!) the qualities of the various machines and she gave me some brochures with some prices. I went home and stared at the brochures for a week, I think.... Went to the store with my mind set on one machine...called my husband on the way there and said I didn't think I was going to buy one after all, and then came home with a more expensive machine than what I originally set out to buy. It wasn't because there was any coercion on the part of the quilt shop staff.... just me, making a quick decision.
I was always happy with my decision to buy that car and so far, I have been very happy with my sewing machine. I don't think that I ever questioned either of those decisions after the fact.
Back to graduate school.... The reason I heard about the cohort program was because there was a flier up in one of my schools and I decided to go to the meeting. The meeting just basically told about the enrollment process. I filled out a couple of initial papers and then didn't really think too much more about it, except that I should be following up. Well, they ended up calling me all summer to ask if I still wanted to participate, I kept saying yes, but never really finished all of the paperwork. Class started last week.... they let you take one class as a "guest student" in case you haven't finished turning in your paperwork.
I really thought that cohort programs were supposed to be geared for people who are already working full-time. When I left the class, I was wondering how I and others would be able to fit it all in.
I don't want to spend all of my spare time during the week and on the weekends reading dry textbooks and writing reader responses, preparing projects and worrying about the fact that I can only loose 35 points out of 700 in order to maintain an 95% (A) or better in the class. I know that there is work involved, but maybe I'm just not ready for it or this is not the correct cohort program for me.
I want to have to have time to continue to make things....quilting, sewing, re-purposing, knitting, crocheting.... I want to be able to give handmade gifts to the people that I love.
I also want to have time to focus on exercise and eating healthy, and just spend time with my loving husband.
Am I just scared? Am I being selfish? I don't know. I do know that I have to make a decision very soon. There is homework due on Wednesday, which I haven't finished yet...but I have to withdraw by the end of the week in order to get a (100%) refund [even though I haven't actually paid them a cent, yet]. Am I a failure? Do I need to just find a different cohort?
Oh, and I'm not going to read back thru this post so I don't even know if it makes a bit of sense...if it doesn't, I apologize.
